"Aww hell man I didn't know that's what spelunking meant...
Naw man I think I'm just gonna stay home"
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Mulkey Musings
So I was down at the fune home hangin with the dead bods just like I always do and I had a revelation:
Where the hell do morticians come from?
Keepin it real at the Mulk-Mase...
If you do a google image search for mortician you'll mostly find pictures of metal bands. That makes a lot of sense. Being a mortician would be about as metal as it gets.
"Do you play bass?"
"Oh yeah, it's a five string warlock"
"Coffin Case?"
"Oh yeah, that's what it comes with..."
"We practice thursday nights"
Of course if we use six feet under as a template it may not be as metal as we'd like it to be...
"Oh I don't doubt he's under...
(If you didn't get that reference it means you're not going to hell... or that you just never watched six feet under... either way you win)
I guess it makes sense really. I mean think about it. What do morticians do? They cut hair, paint fingernails, do makeup, wardrobe... They basically give dead people makeovers. I think I might pitch a new show to Bravo called "Mortician Swap"
I've already arranged for this guy to makeover my corpse.
A friend of mine died a while back and told him he wanted to look like Edward scissor hands... He did a really good job so I don't think he'll have a hard time giving me the "Robert Smith"
"The Cure for not being beat up enough in high school"
All things aside though, I think the real question here is what to drive if you become a mortician.
In my opinion there are only two real options:
Or if you're on a budget there's always Grave Digger
Where the hell do morticians come from?
Keepin it real at the Mulk-Mase...
If you do a google image search for mortician you'll mostly find pictures of metal bands. That makes a lot of sense. Being a mortician would be about as metal as it gets.
"Oh hey guys... great set.
Hey by the way didn't I see you at
starbucks the other day?"
"Yeah... Tommy works there... Is that a tie?"
"Oh... that... haha. I'm a mortician."
"Do you play bass?"
"Oh yeah, it's a five string warlock"
"Coffin Case?"
"Oh yeah, that's what it comes with..."
"We practice thursday nights"
Of course if we use six feet under as a template it may not be as metal as we'd like it to be...
"Oh I don't doubt he's under...
I just think six feet might be an exaggeration"
(If you didn't get that reference it means you're not going to hell... or that you just never watched six feet under... either way you win)
I guess it makes sense really. I mean think about it. What do morticians do? They cut hair, paint fingernails, do makeup, wardrobe... They basically give dead people makeovers. I think I might pitch a new show to Bravo called "Mortician Swap"
"My god... This is worse than I thought. What are we in the stone-age?
Grandpa Munster called... he wants his casket back"
I've already arranged for this guy to makeover my corpse.
A friend of mine died a while back and told him he wanted to look like Edward scissor hands... He did a really good job so I don't think he'll have a hard time giving me the "Robert Smith"
"The Cure for not being beat up enough in high school"
All things aside though, I think the real question here is what to drive if you become a mortician.
In my opinion there are only two real options:
"The mercedes of hearses"
Or if you're on a budget there's always Grave Digger
What kind of ride should I get if I become a mortician?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)